Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

A science lab project gone ballistically wrong… Michael Bay gets a C- for effort!

Transformers - Dark of the Moon

Paramount Pictures and DreamWorks Studios in association with Hasbro present…

For all those whose going to read this, it was one nauseating write up! I’ve constructed it as honest and contrite as I can for all the things that Michael Bay and his crew has done for this trilogy and to the cast that made it happen…here’s the blown up picture!

I’ll have to say that the film was definitely better from the last one since it had pacing of the story, less time with the annoying parents, less shots on Autobots rolling from one road to the other, lesser perverse jokes (more skin though) and it made a bigger plot that covered the film in a cohesive manner which brought plans into fruition…that is total ANNIHILATION!

It’s a clear understatement on how Michael Bay was able to put up this franchise with his bravado and over the top visual special effects. That’s him, that’s how he presents himself! It’s how Bryan Singer take on cultural diversity and drama in super heroes, George Lucas in his adventure and space operas, Christopher Nolan’s noir and captivating mind numbing films. There are hundreds of film makers out there that give something to the fans and audiences that make or break them. To add, it might not be too farfetched how we see things in their own perspective and imagination!

This film should have been rather made into a Transformer universe centric platform in which the robots themselves provide the story, experience the conflict from the two factions and be able to win their own war whether on this planet or theirs without too much biological organisms running amok between towering machines with enough firepower to decimate the city!

This was given; this is actually an experience that we should always have to learn from! Michael did his best, did what he wanted with the film to make it as extraordinary as it is! It’s a sci-fi festival based story filled with angst, rivalry and destruction and to add, the battlefield is Earth…poor ol’ Earth! They took the chance; they made it happen at least we could watch something that gives us to think about, to discuss or be disgusted and to proclaim as heroes or curse the blasphemy of its intent! I never would have imagined what it’ll be like to turn these beloved animated series into films, that would be the coolest thing that you can ever dream off since your were 8 years old! To most of us we’ve been geeks in a certain point in time.

So, as I entered the cinema I was not too excited, maybe it was that I expected it to be the same old execution of the “Master of Anything Combustible” himself…Director Michael Bay!

Roll film…

The race for supremacy begins as the United States and Russia convene on sending their own to the moon! Nobody expected what was seen and experienced by the Astronauts and for years it has been instinctively regarded as a conspiracy and nothing more! For what lies in the dark of the moon is something more than meets the eye!

Enter undies… I mean the “main” protagonist Shia LeBeouf as Sam Witwicky, a blossoming actor he could even get really good projects after this one. He just needs to lessen his hyper activeness and take more of his pills on time! He has the same predicament with Ryan Reynolds who I see also needs to be a little more well rounded. He recently got a commendation from the President and he’s about to find a job and little is it known that a bigger cover up would be his source of strength and courage to fight once more for his own species!

Rosie Huntington-Whitely is the replacement squeeze for the “messenger man” himself. Carly as she is portrayed will be forever imprinted in our hearts and minds as one of the few women who have given a memorable… performance!!! If Megan can do it she can do it better and with style…yeah right! But frankly my dear I don’t give a damn! The way Michael Bay used her, there I said it!!! The way she dressed, flirted, acted was abhorring it was not even enough to let her subliminal foreplays, cavorting with Sam in most of her takes conclude her part! Even every man wants to get a piece of her, Michael, Michael, Michael!!! Sadly, she was only an eye candy! At least evidently, it gave more characters, major ones more air time and for new ones to be in their specific roles that needs to be carried out.

THE GOOD

Enter Sentinel Prime voiced by the one and only Leonard Nimoy who I believe is the best to voice the character on screen. Adverse and intolerant he plays a major part on the Cybertronian Wars ages ago and was revived on Earth for questions to be answered…he answered them alright, with a knife on the back! Die, Die, Die!!! Sorry, I got carried away but its ok I won’t tell who he stabbed at the back!

So it’s actually a “one robot show”, Optimus Prime for all the temperament and excellent display of wisdom and power we salute your courage our fearless leader. You knocked out every single boss in the film while the Autobots and the so called NEST soldiers were running around the city in circles!

 There was this red car and a blue one who I really did find interesting, except for the latter, his name is Wheel Jack then turned into Q and he is an old geezer for crying out loud! The Ferrari I thought was Sunstreaker but it turned out to be Mirage who later was changed into Dino?!? What’s wrong with this people? They didn’t just ruin the name but also the character!

The Impalas were new Autobots armed to the teeth and with an attitude to boot! I remember reading one of Michael Bay’s articles regarding Rusty and Mudflap not returning and he did mentioned a certain big amount of money to anyone who could recognize and to who could pinpoint the replacements, it was obvious right??? I can say they were Roadbuster and Leadfoot.

In this film Wheelie has his own buddy who gives more impressive results in tracking down the villains and helping the resistance!

The humans has their own help as well though indirectly and I believe they were obscure but gave their humorous side even short lived! John Malkovich plays Sam’s new employer Bruce Brazos whose wanton display of affection in his staff gives more meaning than his martial arts tough guy sentiment! Another was Ken Jeong, the company VP Jerry Wang who provides the comedy made worthy; he did made a connection here and there just to tie up some loose ends!

Too much for the line up, here is another set of allies for the Autobots! Frances McDormand plays Director Charlotte Mearing who was assigned to lead the NASA conspiracy project and coordinate with the Autobots to stop an impending doom! She was decent so to speak, did her job and made it professional enough even for the last minute to fall literary for John Turturro also known as former Special Agent Seymour Simmons, he reprises his role since the start of the franchise.

THE BAD

Megatron, poor Megatron! fading away like the sunset in Africa, once a mighty Decepticon tyrant now humbled by his ticks creeping in his half blown brain. I did like his new alter-ego though, a transport truck with a tarpaulin to cover his hideous face…well it was hideous from the start but a little bit more morbid this time!

Also, it was not clear or iterated on what Shockwave was doing with his pet worm digging underneath the city… down boy, down boy! Good wormy! They call it The Driller, but I prefer the former! He was one of the greats and the favourites of fans since G1, silent as he is brutal and he does a very good job at it! Shoots first and does not even ask any questions!

I wish Ravage was still in the film partnered with Laserbeak which I think would be an awesome combo! For Soundwave who returned by the way from an enormous floating satellite to a half-pint size car was just an input to say his intended goals and allegiance to the Decepticons. The Condor appearance as a spy was very impressive like his team mate Jaguar from the last film, he’s vicious and a murdering psychopath just like his master and Megatron would have wanted!

There were so many that jumped out of the space bridge and turned into vehicles which had no distinction if they were part of the army or the major characters. To move further, was it just me or did I see another scene of the Matrix Reloaded where in the highway they flipped, jumped over and destroyed cars??? I think they were the Dreads a sub-group to counter the Impalas but there were changing so quickly and it got too confusing!

From the inorganic to the organic, Patrick Dempsey plays Dylan a collector and race car driver by day and evil businessman (well he’s evil actually 24/7 as well), the boss of Carly who made a pact with the Decepticons back in the day and he preferred to be a pompous prick and coward rather than to be part of something better and help humanity not to become exterminated!

THE UGLY

It was a tiring, mind numbing, over the top film not to mention the editing department who handled the speech of President John Kennedy and his camera angles which even the sepia based screen capture didn’t save the difference on his face! Another one was a President Nixon’s speech on TV where a single shot was seen, his lips was not even moving while the camera was rolling…unbelievable!

To the field leaders of NEST and the jump crew were all part of the plan to make it more extravagant and would just like to say kudos to the stunt team! To Production, the Writers hard work does not connote effectiveness and efficiency of filmmaking. People will and still be looking for content and derivation of logic, we are not asking for much impression, it’s there already, the missing thing is adequateness of staying true to the culture. Things will change, yes! Talk about practicality but with a little less bang on the ears!

The film’s track also rang a bell! For bats that is!!! Why would they copy the Dark Knight’s score??? Was it just coincidence because many have made their claim that it was almost the same! On the lighter side, some heavy hitters are included and especially Linkin Park who serves as the house of sound to provide ear candy along with fan favourites Paramore, My Chemical Romance, Taking Back Sunday and others!

A shortened, predictable prologue that made the story culminate its objectives and plot. Definitely it sustained the trilogy, it was hard fought and yet found wanting, to be better and be able to project a conclusive end. A myriad of fireworks and mediocre storytelling which may have been the most dramatic and epic of this saga of robots that only wanted a place they can call their own, it was a pity that Earth had to suffer the price to become their surrogate home!

To finalize, I was kind of disappointed that a main protagonist was blown to pieces and sadly a traitor did it! But nevertheless, it was an entertaining film filled with moments of nausea and blurry eyes but it was honestly commendable for a story that was ambitious in its own way!

To Director Michael Bay, it was fun and for all you have concerted, the effort to make this film become a reality a round of applause to you and your team. We wish you good luck in your future endeavours!

To our Human Resources, the aforementioned position is now open kindly cc Steve and Paramount for the next instalment. Please make it clear to those applying that experience in explosives in their portfolio is not recommended and would rather focus on those who are trainable and has a wider scope of intellectual disposition in storytelling!

ADDENDUM:

Here we go again…installment number 4, need I say more?!?!

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